The last two weeks I have remained silent. And I will remain silent about some occurrences.
Our son Yann is getting better which is crucial. Though we’re learning the hard way that the consequences of a fire are far-reaching. To say the least. We can only hope that time will heal everything. Knowing all too well that hope is maybe one of the most fragile and easily trampled upon assets of our life.
Next Monday I will teach for the last time in The School of Arts Ghent.
40 years of teaching is a long time. Especially for someone who never ‘liked’ teaching, (I always felt that I’m not smart enough to do this job) who never ‘liked’ school (school is more than being with students in a room). Though I must confess that as a teacher one meets great colleagues and of course great students who sometimes become quite fast cultural pillars of the next generation. Which is very pleasant to witness.
School has allowed me to create windows in time to feel free for a while. And freedom is of extreme importance for a creative mind. I’m not someone who needs pressure (or deadlines) to try to create. Quite the opposite even. Only when my mind is allowed to mentally wander around freely – even apparently aimlessly – concepts can start to grow between my battered synapses.
Hunches, longings, daydreams,… then followed by fears, doubts, cold sweat,… they all need time. Time to become to fruition, time to be conquered.
I started to compose when I started to teach. I promised myself never to become a teacher who isn’t involved in some ways with what he’s teaching. Very soon I found out that a life without making something is a non-life. Music became my profession, music would necessarily become the vehicle for my creative urges.
As one can see, here’s not a child prodigy speaking who already composed 13 symphonies before feeling the first stubbles on his chin.
Now that my teaching career is over (OK, I forget willingly the resits in August and September), I hope that my compositional needs won’t shrivel. Not being in a school anymore means not being confronted on a regular base with the bubbling creative hankerings of young minds eager to reshape the world along the new rules generated in their still growing cortexes.
What I do know is that my own juvenile certainties concerning the future of music are now completely overruled. For the better or the worst I can’t tell. But who cares. It’s been always like that: the new dogmas take over the world. Leaving school means somewhat having become old school.
Damn’d, even after having left it, there’s school again :-))))